Saturday, October 1, 2011

Size does matter!

Yes, it does!

Many of my friends often have heard me saying this; but for those who haven't: there are two kinds of buses in the world - the ones in which I fit, and those in which I don't. And one may also generalise the statement for anything - chairs, beds, bathrooms in old houses, trousers, t-shirts.. ahh..well, in case some people like SJB starts extrapolating from here, the list does not include everything.

People, its rude to stare! You came across a 6'2" species trying to fit himself standing inside a bus by bending his neck in an angle of 82.36 degree? Yes, that WAS me, and I have got cervical spondylitis for doing this drill over years. You have a problem with that?

And its not only the length. Here is what happened a couple of weeks ago:

I am out of jeans (almost all of them are torn apart to the extent of vandalism). So I was out in the market hunting trousers for myself. Although the chances of finding a right sized one in Chinsurah (lengthwise) is really fat, it was worth a try. But the best response I received is, "Nothing in stock right now. The best I can do is to special order one of your measures to our tailor".
Yours truly (hopefully): And by what time I am going to get that?
"Well, with the orders in hand and considering the puja rush, I think it will take at least three to four months provided our tailor agrees to make trousers with special measurements as yours".

So much for hometown shopping. Desperate yours truly came to Kolkata to search the bazars - there are a couple of them suffixing and prefixing (at this point I can't help remembering about spot fixing .. funny how the meaning relates to what prefixes and suffixes does with a word) to Big and Kolkata respectively - and was thwarted yet again. There must be others with my dimensions.. what the hell do they do?

This was the point when I went to Pantaloons.

A beautiful shop attendant (female, of course..can't leave too many loose ends now a days as people like SJB or AC are always looking for them) came forward asking, "Good afternoon sir! Are you looking for something particular?"
Yours truly (flustered): I'm just..yes, umm.. I am looking for a trouser.
Attendant $_{1}$: Could you be a little more precise .. jeans, formal, casual .. ?
Yours truly (more flustered): Jeans. Jeans. Or, cargo may be..
Attendant $_{1}$: Okay, you will find cargo at that corner. May be you can have a look at them first..
Yours truly: Okay..
And she took me to the pile of cargos at the first right corner of the large floor where another attendant (this time, thankfully, a male one) took charge.
Attendant $_{2}$: Size, sir?
Yours truly (jumping to the obvious): You mean length?
Attendant $_{2} (smiling)$: Your waist size.
Yours truly: Oh, thirty four I guess!
Attendant $_{2}$ (handing me a cargo): This one is thirty four. Give it a try first. Then you could decide the colour. The trial room is over there..
I tried.
Yours truly: Well, I think I need the next size.
Attendant $_{2}$ Here.. its thirty six. Try this.
I tried.
Yours truly: Umm.. this is not your largest, is it?
Attendant $_{2}$: What? It didn't fit?
Yours truly: Well, its a bit tight here and there..
Attendant $_{2}$ (thinking): Please wait a minute.
And he left me standing at the corner, anxious.

Attendant $_{2}$ returned after five minutes with attendant $_{1}$ and a measuring tape. I stood helpless and in utter discomfort while attendant $_{1}$ started measuring my waist (hell, why could it not be attendant $_{2}$?).
Attendant $_{1}$: Sir, thirty eight would be okay.
Yours truly (very embarrassed): You have some of them?
Attendant $_{1}$ (smiling broadly and pointing at a very far and completely deserted corner): Yes, but not of this brand. You see the farthest corner over there..? There you will find everything you need.. next to the cargo hanger is the pile of all; the base size of their t-shirts is forty two. Those would be perfect for you.

As they say, they believed in stimulating success, sustaining growth, empowering people, their dreams and making them real. They believed in all these until they came across me. I believe that they do not believe in sustaining growth any more.